i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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