I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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