Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize