Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
