i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
