Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
