Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
