see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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