he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
