we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
