i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
