u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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