This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
