wrigley field is MILF paradise
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
