its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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