There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
