I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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