Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
