I wannas sexs uuuuu
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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