I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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