Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
