Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
