If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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