question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
