tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
