It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
