So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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