i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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