remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am available for nakedness
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
