just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
