My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize