I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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