So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
