Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
