she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize