normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
