the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You've changed since you got that strap on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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