Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she pinky promised me she was 18
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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