If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
farters have to be the big spoon...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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