Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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