how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
