Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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