I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
