quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
