And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
