walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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