I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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