the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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