Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
