Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
