I skipped work to stalk him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
