she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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