i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
