Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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