can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to make out with him forever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
