i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
