I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
