also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
