I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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