she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
