What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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