you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize