Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
