The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
