Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
