Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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