Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
