Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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