My liver just broke up with me...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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