Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize