Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
