FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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