Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
