Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
