She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
