She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's even glitter on my cock...
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