Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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