Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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