when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
